Couples fight over money because of control: Either we attempt to control our spouse, we fear losing our individuality or fearing that our hopes and aspirations will never actualize. However you may want to justify your controlling tendencies, you do not have the right to control money or the financial decisions in your marriage. Your spouse should not be made to feel like they have to come to their spouse for allowance. We are adults here. Especially if you feel if you make all or most of the money. In order to combat control we must exercise humility that is grounded in mutual submission. Ephesians 5:21 reads "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” You see, there is no such thing as a power struggle in a marriage where both spouses submit unto one another. While I won’t go into detail about Biblical submission, what I can say is a few things. In a perfect world, submission should, keyword should, be immediate. However, submission is a lot easier to do WHEN we trust the one we are humbling ourselves before. And how do you grow in trust? by consistently showing yourself as trustworthy. These actions are fueled by CONSISTENT open and honest dialogue where each spouse has EQUAL say and input.
Couples fight over money because they have different priorities: You think being in Club Carter for the On the Run Tour Vip Tickets is more important than adding more cushion in your budget just in case of a financial inconvenience or emergency. Not agreeing on spending priorities can lead to serious conflicts down the line. This lack of direction a breeding ground for division. So what do you do when One spouse believes a need is a want and the other believes a want is a need? The short answer is to develop AND AGREE on a value system and judge every financial decision against it. In addition to developing a value system, you then need to compromise, negotiate and learn to be okay of you’re the spouse whose wants are temporarily on hold. So yea, I urge you two to write down values. What is a financial goal? If something comes up and does not align with your agreed MUTUAL values, then issa no dawg. I want to make sure that you Know that a temporary hold on your dream does not mean you are less important or that it will never actualize. It just means not now.
Couples fight over money because of unmet expectations: If you've ever thought or uttered TO YOURSELF “ my spouse SHOULD, or if it were me, I'd dot dot dot, then you my friend, are a holder of Expectations. These intimacy killers repel intimacy and are a travel companion of anger, bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. Expectations, that you carry into your marriage, are a heavy load that your spouse did not sign up for. They belong to you and seem light to you because YOU'VE carried it for so long. Now here you go trying to have your spouse carry it and it's TOO MUCH for them. Don't get mad, frustrated and resentful. That load was easy for YOU! My solution is to expose all financial expectations with an actual list. Becuase guess what, come in a little close, I have a secret to tell you. You do realize that your spouse cannot read your mind? LOL. Openly communicate your desires to The Lord and your spouse with humility, not from a place of entitlement. Do you want to be able to help your parents with their bills, then communicate that to your spouse. Do you want to be able to celebrate your birthday every year as you wish? Whatever you want to do with money needs to be clearly
Couples fight over money because of a perceived lack of aggression towards goal completion: It is not uncommon for one spouse to have more vested interest in money management. It is not uncommon for one spouse to be more disciplined and focused on the goal at hand. Some spouses rather not be bothered with the intricate details or any details for that matter. Don’t take too much offense. The solution is openly express the importance of their participation. Do your best to communicate how you guys are a team and everyone needs to participate. Their input is vital to being present. This is our money and we make decisions together. Just do not attempt to control or be manipulative.
There will be difficult seasons in your marriage, but never allow a temporary period tear apart your marriage. That season maybe long, but IT WILL PASS. If you are going through a tough time right now, you are not alone. Disagreements about finances are common however my job is to help you proactively pursue solutions before they land on your doorstep. Remember that you spouse is not the enemy. Take your fears and frustrations to The Lord. Change your perspective and see this season as an opportunity to intentionally stay connected. If you haven’t yet downloaded my free guide To The Top Ten money questions to ask early. It is such a practical, useful tool to help you uncover so much of how your spouse or future spouse relates to money
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